When you meet a person, who has lost someone close recently, then it is wise not to remind him or her about the loss. Unknowingly, people end up saying unhelpful or hurtful things because they are more focused on navigating through this awkward moment instead of actually helping the grieving person.
How to talk to a grieving person?
Avoid saying – ‘How are you doing’?
This a general question, people ask when they meet anyone they know. The grieving person will also respond saying ‘OK’ or ‘fine’ to this wrongly asked question.
Instead say – ‘It’s actually a hard moment for you now’
It is acknowledged that they are passing through an emotionally painful phase. Don’t dismiss their feelings, but allow them to mourn fully without judgment.
Never say – ‘She is relieved from the extreme pain’
In this personal and confusing moment, it is wise to be careful in assuming something that the griever may not agree to. Actually, the beloved person has just gone and is not with them. This thing is tough to handle after loss.
Rather say – ‘I am sorry you are suffering’
Obviously, the grieving person is glad that she is not suffering anymore, but this does not help his suffering. Therefore, concentrate of the grieving person’s pain at that moment.
Never say – ‘Please call me, if you need any help’
Such a statement can be overwhelming for griever and thus one must avoid saying it at any cost. Do not put them in any pressure, instead make them feel that you are right here to help them.
Rather say – ‘I will come over to help you with the laundry’
People willingly accept support, if it is specific instead of wide open offer.
Avoid saying – ‘I understand how you are feeling’
Everyone has experienced a loss. It is a devastating personal experience. The experience of loss differs from one person to another. Claiming that you know his feeling seems illogical.
Instead say – ‘I can visualize how you feel’
Give the griever an opportunity to identify their feelings rather than suggesting to them.
Never ever say – ‘This has to happen one day’
Death is a fact in life, but this perception can lessen the actual loss. This phrase gets tossed, when someone loses their parents.
Instead of say – ‘You must be really missing them’
Loss of someone near and dear is the main reason for pain, so concentrate on that instead of pushing it aside. You could also recommend them to read books on grief, which can help them eventually.